what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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