Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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