She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
