Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You ruined the universe
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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