Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
