You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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