I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
