whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
