yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize