I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
