apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
