That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
