The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
