Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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