I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
