I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
