Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
