I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
