I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
