And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
