I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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