either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
