oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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