Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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