the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
