Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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