If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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