I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
