I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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