I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
