Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
