his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
