You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
