not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
