Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
