I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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