I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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