We're like a lot better than the average bears
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
