my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
