So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
