he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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