i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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