I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
