I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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