I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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