i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
