Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
