I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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