he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
im six kinds of drunk right now
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
