now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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