i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
