So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
