My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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