1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
