At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
