the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
3 2 1 whiskey
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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