forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
