Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
