What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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