That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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